Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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