There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
