i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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