well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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