we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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