That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Found the puke drawer
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
