You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
