i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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