You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
