she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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