My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
