Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
