Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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