I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
