Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
