i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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