Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
