I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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