So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We named our party play list daddy issues
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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