i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
