Don't you send me to vm
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
