I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
