So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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