oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
