I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
