trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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