I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
