God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You've changed since you got that strap on
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
