Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
