i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
