Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
