I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
