So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
