hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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