My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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