yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
