I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
