after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
