As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
