nut hugger
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
