i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
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