i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
