I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
