So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
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