I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
