I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
