Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
God, I missed his penis.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
