It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
