Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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