thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We were destined to go to rehab together
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize